March 6th, 2015 6:00am: We got to the hospital early that morning. Chris and I were anticipating whether our 4th child was going to be a boy or girl. We had no idea this time around. It was so different than in the past when we always knew what we were having. It was exciting!
The background: My 4th pregnancy was a surprise as most of you know. We had struggled with fertility issues (or so we thought) with the boys so we just assumed we were done and that was that! So when we knew we were in fact pregnant, for the most part, we took it all in stride:) I can recall telling Chris via I message. You know the message - the one that shows the "bubbles" as the other person is writing. When I told Chris, all I saw was bubbles.....still bubbles.....and then finally, words. I'm sure he was trying to figure out 1) what he was feeling himself, and 2) what to say to me! I can laugh about this now!! It is quite funny! But really what other 43 year old mother and 47 year old father of three would not be totally excited at the opportunity to have another baby!!!! How cool was that??????? So, onward we went.
This crazy mommy ran or attempted to run, the San Francisco marathon in July when I was 7 weeks pregnant. No one knew yet because we had decided not to share at that point. Let's just say we were still in a bit of shock ourselves. We had planned this trip months and months back. We were meeting very dear friends in San Francisco to run the race with them, and explore the city, including a visit to Napa. I look back and laugh now that I did that race. I wasn't trained for it by any stretch! Chris held my hand through most of it and I shed a few tears during the experience because it was pretty challenging. All in all it was good. Little Ivy was getting me through that course!
This pregnancy was rough! I had "morning sickness" with the boys but this was the worst! I also had trouble breathing and just felt "old" for lack of a better way to say it. All previous pregnancies I felt more or less light on my feet and indestructible, but Ivy was attempting to take me down! I guess I do not give myself enough credit though, as my husband often reminds me. I did take on another challenge in October, that was also planned prior to becoming pregnant. I ran my second 200 mile relay with my dear friends. Albeit one of the slowest on the team, I still put in my mileage and felt pretty good at 18 weeks pregnant.
Getting closer and closer to my due date, friends could not believe we were not finding out what we were having! I was blessed to have two showers hosted for me. One by my aunts Judy, Helen and Betty in Bessemer City, my hometown, and the other hosted by my dear friends, Megan, Andrea, Roni, Cheri, and Stacy, in Holly Springs NC. Between these two showers I was surrounded by the love and support of my family and friends! I was also covered up in baby gear, goodies, hand me downs, gently used, brand new.... you name it, this kid was going to have it:) Can you say blessed? That was us!!
March 6, 2015 afternoonish: My labor was slow to progress. Hmmmm, it was strange. My boys had pretty much fallen out of me. I was induced with Jade at 8am and had him shortly after 1pm in the afternoon. What was taking so long? Later I would learn that baby girl was sunny side up which apparently slows your body's labor progression.
The moment of truth.....and "SHE" was out. But our joy of seeing our daughter was quickly overshadowed by fear. Although no one took her from me, no one could immediately tell me what was "wrong" with her. Was it bruising? Jade had been bruised on his face pretty badly but I knew this was different. I could see her mark and I kept asking Chris "is she ok?" My doctor and nurses could not have been more compassionate and supportive. I held her tightly from that moment and I've not stopped holding her tightly. Even when I cannot physically hold her, my heart is wrapped around her over and over. We learned within the hour that she had a Congenital Melanocytic Nevus, or CMN for short. Congenital meaning formed during embryonic development and present at birth; Melanocytic meaning pigmented; and Nevus meaning a mole, or Nevi for many moles. But what did this really mean?
Instant love as you all know. Add in instant fear. I wanted answers and we were fortunate enough to have a NP that was excellent and provided us some information on CMN and told us that the neonatologist from the big Wake Med hospital would be by the next day. As much as I wanted to relax and feel confident that our baby girl would have the type that was more or less "cosmetic" I couldn't. Reading the worst cases, that she could have this in her brain, sent me into such a dark place.
My parents and our boys came to meet her about an hour after she was born. I was so worried about the boys. Would they be afraid of her? Would they be worried? I can't even share all that went through my mind. It was heart wrenching to experience this after have three "normal" births. Why? Why her? Why me? Why us? I was trying to push the anger down as I could feel it coming up. My mother later was quick to remind me that Kelly had asked "why not me?" For those who don't know, my sister was 32 years young when she lost her battle to carcinoid cancer. I needed to hear that. My boys came in and they did not miss a beat. By the way, they still haven't missed a beat with their little sister. They instantly loved her, never once mentioning her birthmark. It was as if they did not even see it. I wondered then and still do wonder what it would be like to live in a world where we all see each other through childlike eyes? Can you imagine what that would be like?
It was late Friday, around 10:00pm when I could finally compose myself enough to announce on facebook that Ivy Leigh was here. I know my family and friends were anxiously waiting. If you know me well, you also know that I was upset for my friends and family that they would hear about her CMN and worry about her and about me. That's just me, I worry about everyone.
Chris and I had a rough first night. I researched CMN to death that night. I'm not sure I slept at all. The neonatologist came early the next morning. He examined her and told us that Ivy looked great. She was healthy and CUTE. He explained a little about CMN and Chris and I remember feeling more reassured with his visit. He told us that we needed to have an MRI of her brain to look for the melanocytes that might be present in her brain, and we should do this before she was 2 weeks old to avoid sedation and intubation. He also attempted to reassure us that even if the melanocytes were present, in most cases, children are asymptomatic. I was not reassured by this by the way. We starting making arrangements to set up her MRI appointment.
So that is her incredible birth story. She is a normal, healthy, sweet, cute baby......with a giant birthmark on her face. She is perfect to us:) Chris and I prepared ourselves for what was to come as we left the hospital for the last time we would ever pull away from Wake Med Cary Hospital with a little bundle of joy in our precious possession. Already we knew we had an army of support by all the well wishes we had received. We also experienced some divine intervention moments that I won't share about out of respect of the privacy of those involved, but let's just say that relationships are what makes the world go round.....be kind to people and be a good friend....you never know when someone you meet will be able to help you out....and it could be many months or even years down the road.....
I cried many tears over the course of my hospital stay. Many for joy, many from fear, many for sadness for my sweet baby girl who had to bear this burden. Through my tears, I knew she was given to me to teach me more about life.
The background: My 4th pregnancy was a surprise as most of you know. We had struggled with fertility issues (or so we thought) with the boys so we just assumed we were done and that was that! So when we knew we were in fact pregnant, for the most part, we took it all in stride:) I can recall telling Chris via I message. You know the message - the one that shows the "bubbles" as the other person is writing. When I told Chris, all I saw was bubbles.....still bubbles.....and then finally, words. I'm sure he was trying to figure out 1) what he was feeling himself, and 2) what to say to me! I can laugh about this now!! It is quite funny! But really what other 43 year old mother and 47 year old father of three would not be totally excited at the opportunity to have another baby!!!! How cool was that??????? So, onward we went.
This crazy mommy ran or attempted to run, the San Francisco marathon in July when I was 7 weeks pregnant. No one knew yet because we had decided not to share at that point. Let's just say we were still in a bit of shock ourselves. We had planned this trip months and months back. We were meeting very dear friends in San Francisco to run the race with them, and explore the city, including a visit to Napa. I look back and laugh now that I did that race. I wasn't trained for it by any stretch! Chris held my hand through most of it and I shed a few tears during the experience because it was pretty challenging. All in all it was good. Little Ivy was getting me through that course!
This pregnancy was rough! I had "morning sickness" with the boys but this was the worst! I also had trouble breathing and just felt "old" for lack of a better way to say it. All previous pregnancies I felt more or less light on my feet and indestructible, but Ivy was attempting to take me down! I guess I do not give myself enough credit though, as my husband often reminds me. I did take on another challenge in October, that was also planned prior to becoming pregnant. I ran my second 200 mile relay with my dear friends. Albeit one of the slowest on the team, I still put in my mileage and felt pretty good at 18 weeks pregnant.
Getting closer and closer to my due date, friends could not believe we were not finding out what we were having! I was blessed to have two showers hosted for me. One by my aunts Judy, Helen and Betty in Bessemer City, my hometown, and the other hosted by my dear friends, Megan, Andrea, Roni, Cheri, and Stacy, in Holly Springs NC. Between these two showers I was surrounded by the love and support of my family and friends! I was also covered up in baby gear, goodies, hand me downs, gently used, brand new.... you name it, this kid was going to have it:) Can you say blessed? That was us!!
March 6, 2015 afternoonish: My labor was slow to progress. Hmmmm, it was strange. My boys had pretty much fallen out of me. I was induced with Jade at 8am and had him shortly after 1pm in the afternoon. What was taking so long? Later I would learn that baby girl was sunny side up which apparently slows your body's labor progression.
The moment of truth.....and "SHE" was out. But our joy of seeing our daughter was quickly overshadowed by fear. Although no one took her from me, no one could immediately tell me what was "wrong" with her. Was it bruising? Jade had been bruised on his face pretty badly but I knew this was different. I could see her mark and I kept asking Chris "is she ok?" My doctor and nurses could not have been more compassionate and supportive. I held her tightly from that moment and I've not stopped holding her tightly. Even when I cannot physically hold her, my heart is wrapped around her over and over. We learned within the hour that she had a Congenital Melanocytic Nevus, or CMN for short. Congenital meaning formed during embryonic development and present at birth; Melanocytic meaning pigmented; and Nevus meaning a mole, or Nevi for many moles. But what did this really mean?
Instant love as you all know. Add in instant fear. I wanted answers and we were fortunate enough to have a NP that was excellent and provided us some information on CMN and told us that the neonatologist from the big Wake Med hospital would be by the next day. As much as I wanted to relax and feel confident that our baby girl would have the type that was more or less "cosmetic" I couldn't. Reading the worst cases, that she could have this in her brain, sent me into such a dark place.
My parents and our boys came to meet her about an hour after she was born. I was so worried about the boys. Would they be afraid of her? Would they be worried? I can't even share all that went through my mind. It was heart wrenching to experience this after have three "normal" births. Why? Why her? Why me? Why us? I was trying to push the anger down as I could feel it coming up. My mother later was quick to remind me that Kelly had asked "why not me?" For those who don't know, my sister was 32 years young when she lost her battle to carcinoid cancer. I needed to hear that. My boys came in and they did not miss a beat. By the way, they still haven't missed a beat with their little sister. They instantly loved her, never once mentioning her birthmark. It was as if they did not even see it. I wondered then and still do wonder what it would be like to live in a world where we all see each other through childlike eyes? Can you imagine what that would be like?
It was late Friday, around 10:00pm when I could finally compose myself enough to announce on facebook that Ivy Leigh was here. I know my family and friends were anxiously waiting. If you know me well, you also know that I was upset for my friends and family that they would hear about her CMN and worry about her and about me. That's just me, I worry about everyone.
Chris and I had a rough first night. I researched CMN to death that night. I'm not sure I slept at all. The neonatologist came early the next morning. He examined her and told us that Ivy looked great. She was healthy and CUTE. He explained a little about CMN and Chris and I remember feeling more reassured with his visit. He told us that we needed to have an MRI of her brain to look for the melanocytes that might be present in her brain, and we should do this before she was 2 weeks old to avoid sedation and intubation. He also attempted to reassure us that even if the melanocytes were present, in most cases, children are asymptomatic. I was not reassured by this by the way. We starting making arrangements to set up her MRI appointment.
So that is her incredible birth story. She is a normal, healthy, sweet, cute baby......with a giant birthmark on her face. She is perfect to us:) Chris and I prepared ourselves for what was to come as we left the hospital for the last time we would ever pull away from Wake Med Cary Hospital with a little bundle of joy in our precious possession. Already we knew we had an army of support by all the well wishes we had received. We also experienced some divine intervention moments that I won't share about out of respect of the privacy of those involved, but let's just say that relationships are what makes the world go round.....be kind to people and be a good friend....you never know when someone you meet will be able to help you out....and it could be many months or even years down the road.....
I cried many tears over the course of my hospital stay. Many for joy, many from fear, many for sadness for my sweet baby girl who had to bear this burden. Through my tears, I knew she was given to me to teach me more about life.